What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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