last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
