So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
