I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
