dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
