The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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