My girlfriend figured out who you are.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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