So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
