just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
