What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
