What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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