I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
There's always time for handjobs
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
