The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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