so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
