I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
