He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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