My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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