I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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