cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
