i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
