I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Randomize
