Welp...herpes.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
