i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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