i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
