so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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