I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
