If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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