I'm drive I can fine osifer
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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