At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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