you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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