Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
