It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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