from now on my penis is your penis
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
