she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
