Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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