I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
