happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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