he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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