I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
