my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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