I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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