haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
