I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
