well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
