The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
