I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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