Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
