she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
