This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
