Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
