Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
