Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
